Our Birth Journey

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining outside, the temperature unseasonably cool and as I finish my delicious cup of PG Tips tea, I’m looking at my 12 day old daughter in the bassinet next to me and I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and perfection in our lives.

I must preface our birth story with a couple of very important things. First, God’s plan and His timing has ALWAYS been absolutely perfect and absolutely necessary in our lives and throughout my relationship with my husband (dating back to our college sweetheart days). The Lord has always known exactly what is right for us and when…even when those times seemed horrible or unnecessary at the time, in retrospect they made perfect sense and it was exactly what we needed. Secondly, our birth story is precisely that…OUR birth story. If you read this, please know that any thoughts or decisions that we made were, and have been based on our own research, desires and how we were guided. We truly believe that there is a perfect birth story for each person…regardless of where or how it came about. You must choose the most comfortable path for your own pregnancy and birth, unless it has been chosen for you…like ours!

TRY, TRY AGAIN

We tried to get pregnant for almost three years. We went into with the best mindset…if it happened, we would be elated. If it didn’t and we weren’t meant to have a child then we were good with that too. We have a wonderful, fun and love-filled marriage and neither Todd nor I ever felt as though we needed to have a child to fill a status quo. This mindset helped me the most. I never wanted to be that person who continued not to get pregnant and coveted everyone else’s happiness…especially since I work with pregnant moms and babies all of the time. The Lord was there. I NEVER ONCE felt jealousy or negativity toward my clients, my friends, strangers or whoever I saw pregnant or with a baby…not once. I always felt joy for them. Exactly what I wanted to feel! We had an awesome three years. We went places we wanted to go, accomplished projects we wanted to and continued to just enjoy our time together as a couple…we had been married 7 years at this point.

Last year, I finally came to the realization that a baby just wasn’t in the cards for us. I was okay with it. No more “trying”…if it ever happened we knew that it would be God’s timing and not ours. Fast forward to November of 2012. Let’s just say that it was no less than God’s timing and God’s timing alone. In fact, not only were we not trying, but everything surrounding her conception did not equal baby. I had NO idea I was pregnant and NEVER would have guessed it. It was only because I had an expired pregnancy test that I was going to throw away and decided to “use” before doing so just for the heck of it…seriously! Those tests are pricey and I thought I’d might as well use it since I paid for it…NOT thinking at all that it would come up positive. Well, it did and so did two others I got that same day to make sure! WE WERE PREGNANT AND WE WERE ELATED!!

OUR CHOICE

We had always known that if we did get pregnant that we would want to look into home birth. We did extensive reading, interviewing, PRAYING, etc on both hospital birth and home birth and having a midwife and a home birth was just something we felt completely comfortable and peaceful about. Our prayer throughout the pregnancy was that the Lord would open doors where needed and shut them where needed, even up to the birth itself if we needed to change something. We hired a midwife (Emily Friar of Rockbridge Midwifery) who we totally jived with and we just loved…and the homebirth planning began. It was honestly the best, most amazing, most comfortable, most informative and most flawless journey! Our checkups were in our own home, we listened to her heartbeat while I lay on our own couch…it was wonderful in every aspect! We were so empowered on every level and I was never once fearful of anything having to do with the birth…I felt so good and so inspired. We had made the right choice for US. Every week (after the first 17 that I was super sick/miserable of course) was amazing. My pregnancy was such a healthy one and so was our baby. The Sacred Pregnancy Journal is my highest recommendation for anyone who is pregnant, whether you’re having a home birth or a hospital birth. It is amazing and Todd and I both absolutely treasured our time every week with that book.

SURPRISE!

Fast forward to 36 weeks of pregnancy. Her position was always a little tricky feeling, but really everything indicated that she was head down. At 36 weeks, we all made the decision to have an ultrasound done just to make sure she wasn’t breech. Surprise! She was! I will never forget my shock and disappointment that day. Not disappointed in anyone, just disappointed knowing that this could change everything. What was certain was that breech homebirths are not attended in this area, natural breech births are not attended in any hospitals in the area and if she remained breech, we would have to have a cesarean.

ACCEPTANCE

I went from feeling so empowered to feel completely lost. As homebirthers, we were completely prepared for the fact that we could have to go to the hospital in the event of an emergency and even had those bags packed and ready. We were not remiss about dangers, but a cesarean was definitely not something that I had spent my pregnancy researching or planning. I spent the next 6 weeks after that trying EVERYTHING you can possibly think of or read about to turn her. Homeopathics, chiropractor, moxa, head stands in water, breech tilts, music, talking, Hypnobaby, spicy food, exercise, etc, etc, etc…we even had an ECV done with a doctor to try and manually turn her. No such luck on any of them. Both my husband and I were both breech and turned spontaneously before birth, so I had really held out hope as long as possible that she might do the same…she didn’t. As we approached 40 weeks, I had to change my mindset. All along I knew and trusted that God knew something we didn’t and there would be a good reason that she wasn’t turning and I had to find a place of peace and acceptance. I had to recognize that this wasn’t about whether the Lord wanted a home birth for us, but that He was very well keeping me and my little one safe from something I couldn’t see.

WAITING ON HER

The next big question was do we wait to go into labor ourselves or do schedule a cesarean? I really wanted to go into labor myself simply so that I would know that at least she was physically ready to come out and had baked as long as she wanted. We knew that cesareans are generally scheduled at 39 weeks, but we personally didn’t feel like it was the right time for us…both Todd and myself just kept feeling one thing, WAIT. We know that not everyone feels that way. We know that a lot of people may feel like the baby is ready at 39 weeks and that not everyone understands going over 40 weeks. However, 42 weeks is only post date and isn’t actually “overdue”. We really struggled with what to do because we didn’t want to be remiss, but at the same time, we wanted her to be as developed as possible. 40 weeks came and went and she still hadn’t dropped and yet we continued to feel the same…WAIT. 41 weeks came and we decided to schedule a cesarean for the next week when I would turn 42 weeks exactly. At the very end of 41 weeks she finally dropped much lower. It was confirmation to us that she was now at least physically making her own way down and ready to come out, even if she wasn’t going to turn and couldn’t do it all on her own. We finally felt like our WAIT was over and we needed to move forward with our planned cesarean.

PRAYER & PEACE

I have a crippling fear of needles in my veins…be it an I.V., drawing blood, etc. This was one huge reason I felt so defeated when it came to a cesarean. I knew that I could not avoid the inevitable blood work, I.V, spinal block and so on. This was the first time in the entire pregnancy that I felt fear…a selfish fear, but a huge fear for me nonetheless. Days prior to our now scheduled cesarean, we asked our closest family and friends to join us in prayer on a certain day and time regarding peace for us. The Lord was there. It was the most encouraging evening that we had had since we found out she was breech and especially since realizing we would need to have a cesarean. We had found peace and I believe it or not, had a total peace about the entire process. Was I looking forward to the needles and such? Of course not. But I had a comfort and peace that ONLY the Lord could have given me…I never could have found such strength on my own.

HAND PICKED

Coming from planning a homebirth, there were many things we had hoped to achieve, even in a hospital setting, but completely recognized that most of them may just not be possible due to policy, protocol and the fact that I would be having major surgery. Again, we prayed. We prayed simply that the Lord would provide exactly the right people throughout our stay…the right doctors, nurses, etc. Whoever was meant to be there for us is who we prayed for. And again, the Lord was there. EVERY SINGLE PERSON was definitely hand picked by God for us. We could not have been given a more understanding and positive experience. I had some very specific things on our birth plan we had hoped for and we were amazed and so grateful how everyone involved did their very best to make those possible for us. We felt cared for and respected and we truly enjoyed every person that we encountered and had the chance to be around. One thing that was so big to me was skin to skin contact right away with my baby. The hospital is moving in that direction, but as it isn’t standard just yet I knew it may not be possible. The Lord was there. He used the staff and provided the right people and it was made possible! Except for taking her right away to make sure she was fine, I was given my baby within just a very few minutes and I held her all the way to the recovery room where she began to nurse entirely on her own. I nursed her for an hour before her length and so on was measured and she never left us. That was SO very big to me…I can’t even describe how much it meant to have that with her.

NOT STUBBORN…JUST BIG!

We speculated for weeks prior as to why she may be remaining breech. Was it the cord that we just couldn’t see that was wrapped around her somewhere? Was my uterus misshapen? Was she bigger than we anticipated? I was getting tired of people telling me my baby was stubborn…I knew there was an actual reason. Well, she ended definitely being bigger than we anticipated. The baby we thought might be a 7 pounder was just under 9 pounds!!! I knew that the Lord had saved one of us or both of us from something by keeping her breech. I will never know for sure if I would’ve been able to deliver her naturally or if she would’ve gotten stuck, etc. I do know this…it was God’s plan and timing and she was meant to come that way.

REGRET?

Absolutely no regrets on anything we did or didn’t do throughout our journey to get her safely in the world. We would not take back one second of our wonderful  homebirth planning experience, our time with our midwife, our childbirth classes, all of the things we tried to turn her, the cesarean…everything. It was NOT how we saw our birth experience for 36 weeks…we saw it so very differently. However, the Lord saw far ahead of our own visions and knew…this was her journey into the world and IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

MY WISH

My wish for all mothers to be who may read this is that you begin your journey into educating yourself right away! I am so glad that I started reading and researching on my own so early. It gave me a wonderful amount of time to gather my thoughts, feelings, etc. Your birth story is and will be exactly that…YOURS. Whether you can relate to anything I have said or not, whatever your thoughts on doctors vs. midwives, hospital vs. homebirth. It doesn’t matter as long as you KNOW that you are empowered to make certain choices throughout your journey for yourself and your child. You are a strong, beautiful woman and the child you now carry or may carry one day is meant for you…may you make your journey with that child one that is positive, loving and powerful.

AMAZING RESOURCES:

The Sacred Pregnancy Journal: Whether you are pregnant for the first time or fifth and whether you desire a home birth, hospital birth or are having a cesarean this book is my first and foremost recommendation to you. So empowering, inspiring and beautifully written.

Laurie Flower: We took childbirth classes with Laurie (who is a wonderful doula, lactation specialist, educator and friend) and we were both BLOWN AWAY at the vast amount of knowledge we gained. We had done a lot of reading and research on our own with things, but we learned SO much from Laurie. She is so very passionate about what she does and you feel it!!! Our relationship with Laurie, the information, the experience was worth every second of time and I HIGHLY recommend them…again, it doesn’t matter how your birth is planned. This was an invaluable class!! Please visit her…Anticipation and Beyond!

“THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN” and “MORE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN”: These documentaries by Ricki Lake are AMAZING!! I had actually seen the first one well before we ever got pregnant and loved it! Again, no matter what your ideas on birth are these are so educational and I can’t talk them up enough. Laurie Flower asked me once in class, “Have you seen  ‘The Business of Being Born’?” I replied, “I think the better question would be HOW MANY TIMES have I seen it.”

Ina May Gaskin’s  “The Guide to Childbirth” and “The Guide to Breastfeeding”: Okay, so I’m not ashamed to admit that I formed an educational crush on Ina May Gaskin. She may be the pioneer in midwifery, but her knowledge and respect of both the natural and medical fields when it comes to birth are astounding and admirable.

The Motherhood Collective: Laurie Flower and Lauren Barnes (my labor support/doula/friend) created the most wonderful café and gathering place for mothers and mothers to be here in Lynchburg. Tea, coffee and tasty treats? Yes, but so much more. Topics on all things mother and child related, awesome workshops, play dates, etc. The Motherhood Collective is education, it’s a haven, it’s support. Please check out them out! www.themotherhoodcollective.org

Rockbridge Midwifery: Cannot say enough good things about our midwife, Emily Friar. Simply put, we love her!!!!

Birth Without Fear: This website and blog hold stories that will inspire you and touch you and also empower you. Real moms, real stories, but so much more. Highly recommend!!!

Blue Crane Acupuncture and Wellness: I received prenatal massage and moxa (a heat treatment to try to turn her) from Ken and Diana at Blue Crane. Although, we were not able to turn my baby with it, the success rate of moxa is higher than 70% and has worked wonders for others. They also offer induction treatments. I personally know of two other moms just in the last few weeks that went to Blue Crane at the end of their pregnancy for induction and they went into labor the very next day! www.bluecraneacupuncture.com